


Can I Be Him

by voidofsarcasmanddeath



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Open Mic AU, Pining, Song based fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28151871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidofsarcasmanddeath/pseuds/voidofsarcasmanddeath
Summary: Adam sees Ronan at an open mic night, singing. He walks away that day without talking to him. Filled with regret, he goes to the next couple open mic nights and ends up singing to look for Ronan Lynch.
Relationships: Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Kudos: 10





	Can I Be Him

**Author's Note:**

> Please bear with me. I'm a little rusty at the moment so we'll see how this goes. FYI, don't know anyone who wants to beta read so this is not going to be beta read. Prepare for the train wreck.

Adam had been dragged to 300 Fox Way by fate or dumb luck that night. He had been fighting back a yawn at one of the back tables in the cafe, nursing a cup of dark roast coffee that tasted like home. Or some kind of home that wasn't his. This coffee didn't belong in the double wide with Robert Parrish where he had grown up, receiving bruises and beatings and broken bones. His left ear buzzed as it usually did, a reminder of his past. He could feel the dregs of coffee at the bottom of the cup on his tongue as he swallowed. When he got up to get more from the counter where Maura was standing, wearing a handsewn apron with various smears of flour and coffee and milk, a man got up to the stage, carrying a guitar. 

In reality, he was more of a boy than a man. His buzz cut made his face more severe, but his blue eyes gave away his youth. There weren't any wrinkles around the corners and he didn't look wary the way Adam did at this time of night. Blue heaved a sigh and sat down hard, making about as much noise as possible. Adam didn't even look at her, too busy watching the singer on the stage. It was so different from the poets before him, dressed in their poet fashion of beanies and big sweaters. 

Even with the chill in the air that came about in December in the green humid Henrietta, the boy was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. All of it was black except for the leather wrist bands, which were dark brown. Blue was watching Adam watch the performer get set up. A grin spread across her face. Ronan, the boy on the stage, performed a different cover every week during open mic night. 

When Ronan's raspy voice filled the air, singing some heartbreak song Blue and Gansey had dared him to sing, Adam listened intently. There was no emotion written on his face, but the voice made him yearn. He wanted to talk to him and be with him and hold his hand and fall asleep looking at that face and talk to him. He wanted to hear the performer whisper "I love you" over and over again in that raspy low voice he had. He hadn't felt like this in years. Not ever really. 

The song was over too fast and Ronan packed up and left. He put the guitar in the case after receiving a round of thanks from the people in the coffee shop. He walked towards the door and a smile cracked his grumpy demeanor, accepting a coffee from a boy with blond ringlets. They left, bumping shoulders and laughing about something Adam would never know. Sadness settled into his bones. He was taken, but Adam didn't even know him. This was new. 

He looked over at Blue who was playing with his coffee cup. "Who was that?" he asked. 

Blue looked at him surprised to hear him speak after he had blatantly ignored her for some boy he thought was cute. "That was Ronan Lynch."

Ronan Lynch. Ronan. Lynch. Ronan Lynch. He found himself repeating the name over and over again in the dimly lit shop filled with strangers and the baristas who had half-raised him at their house. Blue and he had gone out years ago when he had thought she was cute. It didn't work out and he ended up being the third wheel for her and her rich boyfriend, Gansey. That was how his life worked though. He was just not built for love and dating and kisses and the whole shebang. 

Adam stayed until the shop closed, nursing his second and third cup of coffee before Persephone politely kicked him out, handing him a tea in a recyclable to-go cup. She walked him to the door and bid him farewell. He clambered into his crap car and turned it on, waiting for the engine to catch. He had to try a good four times until he felt it rumble to a start. The heat didn't work so he rubbed his hands together and blew on them before he pulled out of the parking lot. The car made it to the parking lot for the church before it stalled out and Adam urged it forward into a parking space. 

His apartment was just as cold, if not colder than it was outside. Adam walked over to the hand-me-down space heater and turned it on. He still had all of the old furniture from when he was trying to save all of his money for school. All of his furniture was cardboard or some other cheap wood product. He climbed into bed and set his alarm for his shift the next morning at Boyd's. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading. Comment if you'd like!


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